Things I will miss most after the end of the world:

Windowless rooms. Surely every room in paradise comes with a view.

Dark-bottomed pools. Is there dark-anything in the sweet hereafter?

Even a strange, hair-raising, lovely dark thing like a black-bottomed pool? Heaven means the light of glory illuminating everything… even the deep end.

Vicks Vapo-Rub. No coughs, no colds, no use for Vicks after Jesus comes back.

Marriage. I like being married.

If there’s no marriage then there’s probably no shock and awe either.

(you know what I mean)

I don’t think they will let James Joyce in. I don’t think A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man is in the library.

If your hereafter is less than sweet… maybe James Joyce will be in it.

Who am I to judge. May the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace.

Most of all when the time comes I hope I am capable of resting in peace, in the land of wall-length windows and good health and platonic love.

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